And So She Waited
by Ryan Brooklyn
Summary: Companion piece to "Nightmares." Why Sarah wasn't the one to go to John's room when he had his nightmare. Ep-tag of "Brothers of Nablus." Season Two Spoilers.


**A/N: I thought I should write something from Sarah's perspective.**

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Sarah, John, Derek, Cameron, or anything in the TSCC universe. Shame, but there you go._

**Rating: **G-ish I guess

**Genre:** Family/Hurt/Comfort

**Summary:** Companion piece to "Nightmares." Why Sarah wasn't the one to go to John's room when he had his nightmare. Ep-tag of "Brothers of Nablus." Season Two Spoilers.

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****And So She Waited**

Sarah heard the cry too. She had been reading on the couch, her hand curled around a cup of tea. Cameron had gone through the living room twice by now, making her rounds through the house. Derek had just come in from being out (where he did not say). When John cried out, Sarah looked up and then stood. Cameron appeared by her side.

"He's having a nightmare," she informed them. Sarah and Derek exchanged a look, but neither of them moved. Cameron tilted her head slowly. "Shall I go check on him?"

Sarah hesitated, and then looked over at Cameron. She nodded slightly. "Yeah, please do," she said, her voice hoarse like it often was nowadays. Cameron looked between the two adults before turning and making her way up the stairs.

Sarah ran a hand through her hair and sat back down with a sigh. Derek continued to stare at her. After a moment, she looked up at him. "What?" she snapped, growing defensive instantly, an automatic response she seemed to have now.

"You should be the one up there checking on him," Derek told her pointedly, sitting down across from her.

"And do what?" Sarah asked, crossing her arms and giving him a flat look. "Hmm? Lie and tell him everything is going to be okay? Put my arms around him and tell him I'll never let anything hurt him? I can't do that, Derek. You know just as well as me that we're never safe and nothing I say is going to change that."

"You're his mother," Derek said, as if he needed to remind her. _He_ did not know what it was like to be her. _He_ did not know what it was like to keep up a brave front for a son. _He_ did not know how much it killed her inside to keep from lying and telling John everything was going to be okay.

"That's right, Derek," she said. "I'm his mother. And as his mother I need to protect him. Giving him a false sense of security is not going to protect him." Because they could not get too comfortable. Then they made mistakes. Then the terminators came.

"Comforting him after a nightmare is hardly going to give him a false sense of security." Derek gave her a look.

"Does he have nightmares . . . in the future?" She wondered why she was asking. She was usually afraid of talking of the future. Especially since she still had not heard anything about her, besides the small fact of her being killed by cancer. But that was supposed to happen two years ago. Now her future was as enigmatic as ever.

"I don't know" was the only response Derek gave her. She could not tell if he was lying or not. She picked up her book again and opened it, but instead of reading she just looked down at the page, thinking.

The look John had given her earlier that evening still haunted her. She knew she should have been the one to kill Sarkissian. A boy his age should not have had to do that. She should have protected him from that, just liked he had said. The fact was, he was starting to depend less and less on her and that scared her. She was afraid he would pull away completely and she would no longer be able to protect him. A gnawing ache grew in her chest and she suddenly stood.

"I think I'll see what's taking Cameron so long," she murmured, although she doubted Derek was listening. Making her way slowly up the stairs, she paused before opening John's door. Cameron turned her head to look at her over her shoulder. The girl was standing at the foot of his bed, a protective stance.

"He's fine," she intoned, turning back to look at the boy. Sarah stepped farther into the room, shivering slightly and rubbing her arms.

"It's freezing in here," she said, moving over to the air conditioner to turn it down.

"It was hot," Cameron stated. Sarah glanced at her, and then moved over to where John lay, sleeping deeply. He looked so much younger when he was asleep, she noticed. Reaching out, she pulled his covers higher up under his chin, running a hand over his hair. He let out a soft sigh and she stepped back.

"Did he wake up?" Sarah asked, keeping her eyes on her son.

"Yes. He was fine."

Sarah glanced at her again, but Cameron's eyes were on John. "You going to stay here all night?" she asked curiously.

"Yes."

Sarah nodded, supposing it was for the best. "Call me if he wakes up again," she told the girl, stepping back toward the door.

"He's fine," Cameron repeated.

"Right." Of course he was. But did she know about nightmares? Did she know the terror they brought inside of you? The despair and fear the dreams brought? Sure John was outwardly fine, but Sarah knew all too well the turmoil nightmares brought inside of you. "In any case, call me."

The girl made no response. Moving back toward the door, Sarah paused and looked back once. "Oh and Cameron?" The girl tilted her head toward her slightly. "Next time you visit his room while he's in it, wear some more clothes."

Leaving Cameron to ponder that, she left, closing the door softly behind her. She hesitated, then opened it again a crack. She wanted to be able to hear if there was another one. She wanted to be the one to check up on him next time. Because Derek was right; she _was_ his mother. And even if she could not tell him everything was alright, _she_ should at least be the one to stay with him throughout the night, watching over him. Leaning against the wall, she rested her head back and looked up at the ceiling, closing her eyes and trying to relax. It was hard.

The nightmares were coming more and more frequently. Even now she could feel them reaching out to her. John's face filled her mind, with his accusing gaze; his hurt voice echoed in her head and caused her heart to break. Whenever she felt as though she could hurt no more, John reminded her that she could. She knew he did not mean to break her heart, but he did all the same. Because he reminded her that whatever she did, she could not take away the pain their experiences brought them.

With a sigh she pushed off the wall and made her way to her own room, deciding to just go to bed. It was late and she wanted to be up early enough to make John breakfast. A simple gesture, but she hoped it would show him that she had not stopped caring about him. That she was not just protecting him because he was the future savior of mankind, but also because he was her son. And she loved him.

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**I don't like this one as much as "Nightmares," but I felt Sarah needed something. Review and tell me what you think! :-D**


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